she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
