So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
