"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
