He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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