I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize