whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
