So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
