I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
