we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
