Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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