okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
