Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
