oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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