I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
