I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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