This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
