Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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