I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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