my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
