I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
