I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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