What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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