he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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