okay pat passed out under dana's car
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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