He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
time to smoke my breakfast
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
