Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
