Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just tell him i said nine months
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
