Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
