The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
