He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
thus making me awesome and them whores
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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