I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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