I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
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Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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