well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
