his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
