there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
