Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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