i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
