She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
