I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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