Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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