He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
