Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
