i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
