I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
