does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
