pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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