If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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