Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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