So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
