There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
