very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
