Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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