Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
