She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
