i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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