scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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