Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
