i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
