You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
