he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
