I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
