i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
