Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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