there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
