"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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