it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
