We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
