a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
