don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
