there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
