I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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