Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
