Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think I just sharted jello shots
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