She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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