He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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