I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
