The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
