Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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