I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
two words: eviction party
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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