i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
