that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize