Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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