Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
