The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
